The Black Hole After Narcissistic Abuse

Mike Von

“Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep

if I should die before I wake

I pray the Lord my soul to take.”

It’s been almost 2 years since the end of my marriage to a narcissistic psychopath. In the aftermath of his departure, I suffered a complete collapse of all systems that just shut down and went to black. Cognitive dissonance clouded my mind so that I was shrouded in a fog of torment and agony. Crippling panic attacks were disabling and unlike anything I have ever experienced. It was a full-body…

We are the sum total of our experiences and define ourselves by what we do and who we love.

“My Philosopher Queen” by B. Pesqueda

My identity has been forged by a number of things. Life was not kind to me as a bi-racial female growing up in the Texas Panhandle in the 60’s and ’70s. Not only was the environment inhospitable to say the least, but my family was also plagued with mental illness, turmoil, and dysfunction. The life script I was given was tragically flawed, and I lacked the knowledge, resources, or support to effect positive change. I carried this toxic programming into adulthood where I repeatedly chose partners who were similarly incapable of providing anything healthy or long-lasting. …

It is impossible to imagine the future irrationality of a person with NPD or prepare for their sudden departure

Ryoji Iwata

I have begun to wonder if I will ever get to that place where I will run out of clever analogies to frame my experience or reach the bottom of the bottomless bag of things I must unpack and inspect and resolve before I can move on. Never have I ever imagined that putting a life back together could be so hard.

Here is the interesting thing about recovery from relationship abuse following life with a partner suffering from a personality disorder. You have to dissect every single thing about that relationship and do a deep dive autopsy into the…

As the World Burns, Some Folks Are Dancing ‘Round the Flames


I read something on Quora tonight that was written by a person who has been clinically diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). It seems there are more and more professed narcissists who are growing on social media and sharing their wisdom about the condition that they have been living with their entire lives. HG Tudor, Sam Vaknin, Sophia Bell, Kate Fess, Robert Torbay, and others peel back the curtain and reveal the inner workings of narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder.

One of the writers recently said, “NPD is an actual severe mental illness where you were either an…

Addiction is Part of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

“Halcyon” Pesqueda 2019

I am an addict.

My addiction is not alcohol or drugs or sex or gambling or food. It is not the kind of addiction that most people would recognize or understand. But it is real, and it is powerful. So powerful that it is complete insanity and larger than life.

I was married for fifteen long years to the man of my dreams. But some of that dream was a pure nightmare, and I simply refused to acknowledge the horror. And it was so terrifying, so unbelievable, and so soul-shattering that I simply could not face the reality of it…

The Proxy Parent Must be Punished

How It Happened to Me

Tamara Bellis

Do all men have mommy issues and all women have daddy issues?

The narcissist indulges in something called object splitting. The primary “object” is the mother. It is also known as ‘schizoid defense.’ It happens when parts of the self are disowned because these parts are unacceptable for some reason. When they throw these things away, the narcissist attributes these characteristics to others, usually their significant other. …

A Primer on Tired Trendy Talk, Douch*bag Date Dialogue, & Word Salad

Raphael Schaller

Sound the alarm, everyone!

Words matter!

This is the trite and trendy talk that needs to be put away in 2021. Bonus points for choosing fresh and personal language that you actually own. There are also big no-nos when meeting someone new. And of course, the masters of the turned phrase, upside-down circular yet hypnotic word salad and narc speak of the disordered brain are the wordsmiths to watch for. Let’s dive in!

Trip to Trendy Town

  1. Resonates — A lot of people don’t even use this term correctly but have latched onto it like a hungry suckling piglet. Stop asking people things with…

Why Do People with NPD Do What They Do?

Peel Back the Layers of Personality Disorders

p pesqueda 2018

Splitting and Snapshots

Neurotypical people without a personality disorder understand that when something bad happens, it doesn’t erase all of the good. Good and bad may co-exist at the same time in the same person.

Splitting is a phenomenon most narcissists exhibit which is the inability to hold opposing thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. It happens when someone’s thinking does not allow them to integrate good and bad and these two things are kept separate. Some might say that a person who splits sees the world in terms of black or white — all or nothing. Most people can love someone but be angry…

Recovering from the Epic Mind-F*ck of Narcissistic Abuse

Alejandro Tocornal

So here you are. The narcopath has left the building, and you are surrounded by smoke and ashes. They dropped a bomb on your life, your love, your future, then they took a flamethrower and burned anything still standing to the ground.

Some of you may be so destroyed that you cannot even scramble to your feet much less exit the ruins with any shred of dignity or composure. Others may hold a stiff upper lip and a head held high, but inside you are crumbling and torn to pieces.

There are Six Things to remember as you try to…

The Pandemic Accelerated the Rise of the Ruling Class and the Spread of Global Narcissism

CHUTTERSNAP @ unsplash

How does income inequality conflate the dysfunctional qualities of the global landscape? The Have-Nots invariably want their share of the proverbial pie as the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. There is a “new state” that is a dystopian vision for a rising conflict and redefined paradigm. Where do narcissists and psychopaths fit into this new world?

Capitalism invariably promotes destructive envy in the poor and depravity in the rich. This foundational idea that through social-class envy, we are inspired to manifest the American Dream is flawed , indeed. It is increasingly apparent that it is unattainable for…

Prajinta Pesqueda

Educator, aspiring humanist, composer of words. Survivor, warrior, healer, believer. Contact me at

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