To the Children Who Suffered

When We Couldn’t Leave our Emotionally Abusive Partner

Dear Children,

To those of you who suffered at the hands of parents who could not disengage from abusive relationships with their partners, please don’t judge them harshly, be repulsed by their humiliation, condemn them for being weak, accuse them of not loving you enough, or think it was your fault. It was never about you.

The generational curse continues in a cyclical pattern that is neverending. If you seek to end it, you must first understand it.

Everyone becomes casualties when we fail to leave a dysfunctional relationship. Parents are morally bound to protect their children, but what happens when they are unable to act upon their children’s best interests? Perhaps the family dysregulation has trapped them in an endless wheel where they fail to thrive or free themselves.

Throughout many years of working as a teacher of high school students, I witnessed countless examples of students who were lost and angry because their parents chose to put their new partner first at the expense of the children. Many times it was an abusive step-parent who disrupted the family harmony. I was always quick to condemn them for their selfishness. I would puff out my holier than thou chest with the proud declaration…