Thomas, so many questions, I can feel your agony, frustration, and torment. Some things have no answers, and we have to make our own closure from relationships with these sick and damaged people. Pray for them, forgive yourself and them, too. And try to believe in love that is real like the love you have for your sons. It is all that matters, and if you show them your capacity for love, that will be your gift and your legacy when your time is over. Accept peace in that.