Member-only story
The Narcissist Parentifies their Partner
The Proxy Parent Must be Punished
How It Happened to Me
Do all men have mommy issues and all women have daddy issues?
The narcissist indulges in something called object splitting. The primary “object” is the mother. It is also known as ‘schizoid defense.’ It happens when parts of the self are disowned because these parts are unacceptable for some reason. When they throw these things away, the narcissist attributes these characteristics to others, usually their significant other. When they take out all the dark and dirty parts and project these on others, it is a way for the narcissist to clean up their messy internal yuckiness and then hold contempt and disdain for those the ones they cast these ugly things upon.
It’s hard to understand why they would do something like this. When the narcissist was in infancy, he began to separate the mother into two entities: bad mommy and good mommy. As a child matures, healthy individuals merge the aspects and understand that everything is not all black and white. Sometimes things can be both black and white and even hundreds of other shades and colors all at once. The narcissist does not make this next step where he can see layers and complexities and shades of grey and therefore is struck in the developmental stage when his mother is all…
