The Guilt is Killing You

Stop Punishing Yourself and Give Yourself Some Grace

Prajinta Pesqueda
6 min readSep 18, 2022


Jannes Jacobs

It’s not normal or healthy to feel guilty and responsible for situations that are not your fault. After a relationship with a person with narcissistic personality disorder finally ends, there is so much cognitive dissonance caused by chronic gaslighting that it is impossible to get your bearings. You are shaken to the core with your identity in unrecognizable pieces. Perhaps you did things you never thought you were capable of doing, and perhaps those things hurt the people you loved. You certainly did things to harm yourself, over and over throughout the entire relationship with the narcissist.

It was not your fault. There are many comex reasons why we did what we did, why we stayed so long, why we allowed ourselves to be humiliated and disrespected, yet we held on to the mentally disordered person.

And through it all, the narcissist blame -shifted every single thing that they could think of onto you and only you, thus completely absolving themselves from any guilt or accountability. Boundaries and borders were breached as they assaulted you time and again, maybe not with their fists but with their words and deeds that had the power to slay.

Below the veil of consciousness, we are wounded children, marinating in the pain of our pasts. We are unaware that we have developed behavioral relationship traits that make it impossible to be healthy or happy.

According to experts, feeling guilty and unworthy is a trauma response.

It is commonly thought that the trauma could be layered in a complex way that dates back to childhood, and that original trauma has scripted you to repeat the same feeling and dynamics as the ones you experiences as a child. Children of trauma go on to repeat the sins of the past.While one would assume they would shy away from it, in many cases, it is the root reason why they seek relationships with people who cause more trauma in their adult life.

Part of that could be a subconscious yet deliberate attempt to recreate a similar dynamic that they can work through this time and be victorious and achieve a better outcome. Part of it could be that ist is simply familair, comfortable, and feels like home no matter how toxic it may…



Prajinta Pesqueda

Educator, aspiring humanist, composer of words. Survivor, warrior, healer, believer. Contact me at