Narcissism is Like a Religious Cult
Narcissist are often similar to the cult like leaders of a group like some extreme religious organizations. This is a powerful and complex analogy, and it’s one that has been explored by many psychologists, survivors of narcissistic abuse, and authors on the topic of personality disorders and coercive control. Comparing Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) to a cult-like system isn’t about pathologizing religion itself, but rather highlighting the power dynamics, manipulation, and reality distortion that can take place in narcissistic relationships.
Why the Narcissist is Seen as a “God”
At the core of this comparison is the grandiosity and sense of entitlement that narcissists often exhibit. Many vulnerable people are targeted because they are seeking someone to worship and be their savior, and the person with NPD is the perfect partner because they actually believe they are God.
They can be compared to a deity for a number of the qualities and beliefs they possess:
• Demand unwavering admiration and blind devotion.
• View themselves as superior, omniscient, or entitled to special treatment.
• Use cult-like brainwashing techniques like gaslighting to control others’ perceptions of reality.
• Devalue and discard others once they are no longer useful.
To those under the influence of the narcissist’s spell such as an intimate partners, family members, citizens/constituents, employees, and more — the narcissist’s need for control can become totalitarian or cult-like.
The Cult-Like Structure of Narcissistic Abuse
Let’s face it. Cults have authoritarian leaders and mindless followers who have no agency or resolve to escape the dynamic. They are unable to see or hear or respond to reality as they dive into the rabbit hole and disappear into a hive mind servitude to the commander narcissist-in-chief.
Many survivors describe the experience of being in a narcissistic relationship as similar to being in a cult and need years of deprogramming to reclaim their identity, their ability to think and act independently thus recovering their dignity as a human being. When they wake up, they can’t believe they did the things they did to stay in the narcissist’s good favor. There is often humiliation and shame as they become aware of the repulsive and abhorrent subservience they accepted for months or years at the hands of the narcissist.
There are numerous ways the person with NPD manipulates their victim and completely dissolves them as if in acid. Through these stages of abuse and tactics to control, the narcissist captures their victims as their predatory prize and goes on to consume them completely.
Charismatic Idealization and Infatuation (Recruitment). That is how they draw you in. They make you feel loved and accepted and seen and heard. . . perhaps for the very first time. They make beautiful promises that make you believe they can fulfill your dreams and be the solution to all your problems. Much in the same way that people escape into the safety and belonging of a church or spiritual group, the narcissist attempts to offer you what you have always longed for. For a hungry starving soul, it is irresistible.
Cognitive Dissonance causes victims to doubt their perceptions, memories, and sanity. Reality is turned on its head in a relationship with a narcissist. Up is down, left is right, and the lines between good and evil blend together in the messiest of ways. It is a shared fantasy or mutual delusion. Gaslighting and Reality Distortion create powerful bonds. Religion often creates an imaginary set on constructs to strive for. Cult leaders use a variety of weapons to distort reality, and the narcissist is no different.
Learned helplessness creates dependence on the narcissist for emotional reality. The ability to think independently and critically is removed entirely. They must all march in step. Religions expect this uniformity and homogenous loss of personal identity or agency. With authoritarians, one must always ask “Daddy” or supreme leader before they do anything. They must be told what to think, what to wear, how to act, where to live, how to vote, and even instructions on personal things like birth control, sexuality, and mate selection.
Divisiveness and Isolation may create an “us vs. them” mentality, framing outside influences as threats or enemies. The idea is to separate them from anyone who might speak truth about the relationship. A house divided will fall, and a predator always goes after the weakest member of the herd or pick off the ones who stray too far from the group that would defend them.
Fear is a tool used to control and cause catastrophizing and spiraling out of confusion or trauma. In many churches, that fear is hell. In most cults, it is the enemy. With the narcissist, it is fear of abandonment.
If you think about how tyrants, despots, dictators, and psychopathic leaders come to power and hold on to that power, it is the same as a cult leader, and the narcissist is born to play that role.
Psychological Terms That Support This Idea
• Trauma bonding: Emotional attachments formed through cycles of abuse, similar to how cults reinforce loyalty through alternating rewards and punishments (intermittent reinforcement).
• Coercive control: A pattern of domination and psychological manipulation, often more damaging than overt physical violence.
• Narcissistic supply/Fuel: The attention, admiration, or even fear that a narcissist feeds on, much like a cult leader thrives on devotion and obedience.
Deprogramming and Recovery
Leaving a narcissist or being discarded by one most often trigger an identity crisis or existential crisis, much like leaving any high-control group. Victims often need “deprogramming”: therapy, education, and support to untangle from the narcissist’s reality and reclaim their own.
It is important to be patient and have realistic expectations about recovery that can be an ongoing process, not a finish line that can be quickly reached. There are many tiny pieces to understanding the puzzle, and you need all of them to be successful. It takes a team (mental health providers trained in trauma and PTSD, somatic therapists, energy workers, spiritual counselors, etc.) as well as a tribe (support groups, new alliances, people who speak the language of narcissism) to achieve a full recovery.
We, the ones who loved our tormentor, who worshipped at their fake altar on bloody knees with trembling hands — we must disconnect and deprogram from the death grip they enjoyed. Life goes on, and it is time to rejoin the living and begin feeding our own souls. We nourished the false prophet for way too long.
Recently, I attended the musical production of HadesTown while visiting Amsterdam. Orpheus is cautioned to have faith and trust and not to look back over his shoulder ay Eurydice who was following behind as they were freed by Hades with that one condition. The devil knows we are weak and doubt can destroy and deceive. You can huess what he did and the tragic consequences that followed.
We cannot look back.
There is nothing back there for us now.
We have no choice but to trust our faith to move forward.
Reality may be hard, but the fantasy is a dangerous escape. It is false, and it is a barren purgatory for souls that are already empty and without the essence of life. It is time to leave the dead behind and reunite with the living. There is no other way to save yourself and those who weathered the storm and still genuinely care for you.
Keep going.
I did did you tell him we were going with the movie with your boyfriend
P Pesqueda is a teacher, writer, podcaster, and recovery facilitator. Follow here articles on www.pesqueda.medium.com and listen to her podcast channel on all major platforms (NARC Troopers with P Pesqueda).
The world is a crazy place and narcissists seem to be running the show. Let’s learn about it and recover from it and emerge stronger and wiser than ever!
Contact narc2thrive@gmail.com for 1:1 sessions ot to tell youir story /share your expertise on my podcast.
