Deception and Delusion — The Narcissist’s Double Defense

Two Hallmark Qualities that Define NPD: Don’t Be Duped!

Two hallmark qualities that all narcissists possess, regardless of which kind of narcissist they may be, are their propensity for deception and their complete surrender to delusional thinking. Without these two defining traits, they could not survive, nor could they keep the false version of themselves alive and thriving. These beliefs give them a sense of superiority that leads narcissists to believe that they are unique and cannot be understood by average people. In many cases, this distortion of reality can become delusional, crossing over the line from neurosis to psychosis.

Not only are they living in a fantasy, but they are also experts at getting people to believe all their self-mythology. Their charisma, youthful charm, courtesy, artifice, and seductiveness make them irresistible. When first meeting a narcissist, in spite of all the brilliance and sparkle, most people feel there is something a little off about the person. They may not be able to put their finger on it, but there is usually an intuitive feeling that something is not right. It’s like they are a puzzle with a few incongruous pieces that are not even from the same puzzle. They are the person who is dressed in the wrong sized clothes or shoes but carrying on and trying to ignore the subtle thing that everyone can see but is unsure about what they are actually seeing. You may wonder, “Is their shirt mismatched with the buttons off of alignment? Are those shoes really containing such small/large feet? Are their socks slightly off or am I imaging that they are two different shades of grey?”

Trust your eyes. Trust your gut. Trust what you know.

There is something incongruous that just doesn’t fit.

Many times when I listened to my husband with NPD go on with his word salad and circuitous narratives and odd commentaries and observations, I would briefly dissociate and imagine that the voice I was hearing did not match up with the way his lips were moving. I would begin to wonder if there was a point or any rhyme or reason to any of it. But I was lulled into a pseudo trancelike state, hypnotized by the sound of his voice. Like a snake charmer or a cult leader, I was…