The Black Hole After Narcissistic Abuse

“Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep

if I should die before I wake

I pray the Lord my soul to take.”

It’s been almost 2 years since the end of my marriage to a narcissistic psychopath. In the aftermath of his departure, I suffered a complete collapse of all systems that just shut down and went to black. Cognitive dissonance clouded my mind so that I was shrouded in a fog of torment and agony. Crippling panic attacks were disabling and unlike anything I have ever experienced. It was a full-body…


We are the sum total of our experiences and define ourselves by what we do and who we love.

My identity has been forged by a number of things. Life was not kind to me as a bi-racial female growing up in the Texas Panhandle in the 60’s and ’70s. Not only was the environment inhospitable to say the least, but my family was also plagued with mental illness, turmoil, and dysfunction. The life script I was given was tragically flawed, and I lacked the knowledge, resources, or support to effect positive change. I carried this toxic programming into adulthood where I repeatedly chose partners who were similarly incapable of providing anything healthy or long-lasting. …


Recovering from the Epic Mind-F*ck of Narcissistic Abuse

So here you are. The narcopath has left the building, and you are surrounded by smoke and ashes. They dropped a bomb on your life, your love, your future, then they took a flamethrower and burned anything still standing to the ground.

Some of you may be so destroyed that you cannot even scramble to your feet much less exit the ruins with any shred of dignity or composure. Others may hold a stiff upper lip and a head held high, but inside you are crumbling and torn to pieces.

There are Six Things to remember as you try to…


The Pandemic Accelerated the Rise of the Ruling Class and the Spread of Global Narcissism

How does income inequality conflate the dysfunctional qualities of the global landscape? The Have-Nots invariably want their share of the proverbial pie as the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. There is a “new state” that is a dystopian vision for a rising conflict and redefined paradigm. Where do narcissists and psychopaths fit into this new world?

Capitalism invariably promotes destructive envy in the poor and depravity in the rich. This foundational idea that through social-class envy, we are inspired to manifest the American Dream is flawed , indeed. It is increasingly apparent that it is unattainable for…


When the best shag of your life turns out to be a narcissist

THE CULTURAL SHIFT THAT WILL END US ALL

Recent studies have indicated that young people in their 20’s and 30’s simply do not possess that same moral compass as previous generations. While all people are tempted to stray from time to time, they resisted and most managed to stay faithful to their partners “till death do they part.” Recent statistics indicate that there is a relaxing of traditional monogamous partnerships.

  • 14% of women have cheated on their significant other
  • 22% of men have cheated on their significant other
  • 40% of online affairs turn into real-life affairs
  • 4% of people living in the U.S. are polyamorous — or participating…


How a Low Vision Bi-Racial Elder Won’t Go Without a Fight

My parents did something nobody else did in 1960. They got married even though there were miscegenation laws in place at the time that prohibited people of different races from marrying one another and making mutt babies like me. “Charlie” and Joann were a scandalous pairing in the small Texas town where they lived, and I was a social pariah throughout most of my school years because of it. I was the only brown face in a sea of white. …


What is the Source of Cluster B Personality Disorders?

How the narcissist, sociopath, and psychopath are born —

“The man, abandoned by all Gods, escapes completely from reality where he creates for himself another world where he can achieve all the things he wants. He has been unloved and tormented and effectively “splits off.” That part of himself becomes a guardian angel that sees the suffering or murdered child from the outside. It wanders through the whole universe seeking help, inventing fantasies for the child that cannot be saved in any other way.” — Notes and Fragments, Volume 30. 1949.

Faulty imprinting and the disabling consequences of maladaptive attachment

Imprinting is phase-sensitive learning that happens at a critical…


To the Women Who Betray Other Women

When a Narcopath Brings Out His Weapons of Mass Seduction, Sisters Will Murder Each Other with Their Bare Hands!

One crisp autumn day around the time my divorce was final, I received a text message with one word.

Fool.

I immediately knew it was from one of my replacements. I was amused by the idea that it required several of them to equal one of me. I was wounded by that word and that I had held down the fort for over 15 years for nothing. Who knows how long he will last with his fresh supplies. It could be…


A narcissist-psychopath will throw you to the wolves or feed you to the sharks because they don’t really care about you

Yesterday, I stepped into a soft mound of dirt and immediately knew what it was. I had on flip-flops and a couple of tenacious little buggers latched onto my foot. A fierce few moments of chaos ensued, and a few minutes later, my afternoon walk became a limping retreat to my car. Today, there are three large red welts with itchy blisters on the bottoms of my feet.

I didn’t see the huge ant colony because it was on a shady trail and I simply don’t see things like that. I have Stargardt‘s, which is a genetic eye disease that…


Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse During the Apocalypse

If you are so inclined to believe that these are the last days, I will not disagree with you. They are certainly the last days of many things — jobs, living wages, equality, a stable climate, ample food supply, clean water, public schools as we know them, unrestricted travel, a life without masks, mega concerts and big crowds, movie theatres, local businesses, and so many more things. But could this actually be THE apocalypse? Well, anything is possible. Look around. Something is happening, that’s for sure. And life as we knew it will never be the same.

But like recovery…

Prajinta Pesqueda

Educator, aspiring humanist, composer of words. Survivor, warrior, healer, believer. Contact me at Narc2Thrive@gmail.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store