We are the sum total of our experiences and define ourselves by what we do and who we love.

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My identity has been forged by a number of things. Life was not kind to me as a bi-racial female growing up in the Texas Panhandle in the 60’s and ’70s. Not only was the environment inhospitable to say the least, but my family was also plagued with mental illness, turmoil, and dysfunction. The life script I was given was tragically flawed, and I lacked the knowledge, resources, or support to effect positive change. I carried this toxic programming into adulthood where I repeatedly chose partners who were similarly incapable of providing anything healthy or long-lasting. …


Learned helplessness paralyzes recovery after narcissistic abuse

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Life with a disordered partner who suffers from a personality disorder can cause a complete surrender of self and independence.

You must take back your power, self-partner, and set healthy boundaries.

I was recently surprised to learn that I still have intense and powerful feelings that are beyond my control. I met up with my ex-narc husband to exchange some final things after 17 months apart. I expected that it would be a fairly calm and uneventful experience, but I was wrong. Immediately upon recognition of his face, I was hit with an intense and overwhelming feeling of euphoric bliss, much like the addicts who feel the heroin as it melts their bodies into catatonia. It did not make sense…


The mind shift that will set you free

A Wicked Little Tale for Disordered Lovers Everywhere

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It’s common knowledge that Paris is for lovers. When my husband and I first married in a whirlwind blur of tumultuous madness, we landed in Paris and rented an apartment for a month near Saint-Germain-de-Pres in the core of the 6th arrondissement. In addition to sipping espresso at Café de Flore and wandering down the banks of the Seine with crepes in hand, we stumbled upon a choir practice in the oldest church in Paris, the Église de Saint Germain des Prés where we lit candles and whispered prayers for the dead…


The ‘Narcopath’ exhibits sexual deviation and magical thinking

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When you have had the experience of arguing with a narcissist-psychopath, it may feel like you are talking to someone who isn’t there. In fact, that is actually true. They are divorced from themselves and empty at their very core. They cannot be reasoned with in any way. Cluster B disordered individuals are extremely self-destructive and will spend their entire lives punishing the parent who abused or neglected them, re-enacting that dynamic and punishing their significant other who functions as a proxy and then eventually punishing themselves.

All of the normal memory a person develops that comprises their personal identity…


Abandonment Issues and Attachment Disorders

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Conversations with a traumatized inner child

The Inner Child is the echo of the child you were a long time ago. It is an imprint, a signature on your soul. Everyone has been influenced by their environment, the important people in our lives, and by the things that happen to them. Our inner child is the keeper of those memories, and they are stored in our minds and bodies and influence our lives in profound ways.

Imagine that your inner child has stored every memory, experience, feeling, and message in a vault with thousands of tiny boxes, all tucked away and organized and carefully compartmentalized. In…


Finding the way back to life after being cast into oblivion

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The first time that I ever visited the boggy marshes, I was a little girl. So young, maybe three or four years old. I stood in the dark silence with my little red peacoat with black buttons and my shiny black patent shoes with white lace anklets. The wind lifted my hair and swirled around my face. The landscape was vast and the swamp beneath my feet was muddy but solid. I was afraid to move or take a step in any direction for fear I would sink into the dark sticky tar and disappear. The silence and the solitude…


Unpacking 4 Chilling Tools of Narcissistic Torture

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The smirk is a provocation to mislead you by thinking the narcissist must know something you do not know. It originates from all of the fuel you are providing which in turn fuels the narcissist and signals that they have control. The lesser and mid-range narcissists do not know what they are, but the smirk is an unconscious manifestation of what they are doing. They are not aware they are being manipulative or lying, so they don’t understand it. Their disorder causes them to believe something radically different from what they think they are doing. The smile is not there…


Paralyzed by fear, she won’t let go of our predator-persecutor

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Narcopath: I am happy since I left you, and I’m glad I got out. For the past 16 years we were married, I was just afraid I’d be broke or alone, but I never really loved you.

Translation: I am delusional, maladapted, and guilty of revisionist history, blameshifting, and denial. I can’t give any value to our relationship because it might make me look bad for what I did to you.

Take-away: What you are seeing is the true nature of a Cluster B individual with their behavior on full blast with no fucks given.

Question: Why would a smart…


Why You Must Die for Him

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A partnership with a personality disordered narcissist has an expiration date. And at the end of the cycles of narcissistic abuse, the only way it can end is with your death.

A narcissist is not gender-specific, but for the purposes of this discussion, I will refer to the narcissist as a male.

First of all, let me name that narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, is a delusional disorder. Many have asserted that people with NPD are incapable of self-awareness, but I think that misses the mark. They are self-aware but have impaired perceptions. They know that they are different from…


Three Primary Objectives

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The narcissistic-sociopath with a Cluster B personality disorder desires three essential things required for survival.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) suggests that approximately 9.2% of people in the United States meet the criteria for a personality disorder which includes narcissism and anti-social personality disorder, also known as sociopathy. Often the conditions exist together as co-morbidities, hence the new term narcopath. It is imperative that we understand the underpinnings of this disorder in order to recognize it and steer clear of it.

Narcissism exists on a spectrum and most of them are unaware of the logistics that make them tick. Acknowledgment of these inner mechanisms rarely happens because it would require some degree of…

Prajinta Pesqueda

Educator, aspiring humanist, composer of words. Survivor, warrior, healer, believer. Visit my website: http://narctroopers.com & contact @ NARC2Thrive@gmail.com

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